As this new season is opening it's door, I've been going through a time of reflection on this past year and all that has happened. I can't seem to sum up everything, coming to the realization that each week God has been teaching me something new; stirring up something fresh in my heart and bringing weaknesses to the surface. It almost can get overwhelming because there is just so much more to improve on, so many branches protruding from me to allow pruning, but the reminder I hold onto is that I just want to be more like God. I want to see more of his face, I want to become more like Him; to become more satisfied in Him alone, more familiar with His voice, more peaceful in His silence. I want to go deeper in this more. This season is going to be one of rest; of learning how to rest and be satisfied just being His daughter, regardless of who he even made me and where my place is in His plan, among all of His other children. School just rolled around the corner and since I'm commuting, I take the bus to campus. This gives me a LOT of extra time here and there, a lot of waiting around really. The first day, I was so restless. I had all this time and didn't have anything to work on, since it was the first day of class! I'm so used to getting things done and always finding something to do, to be productive, or check off something else on the to-do list. It made me uncomfortable to just sit and rest. I found myself putting in my headphones and soon I was in a coffee shop reading the Bible, journalling and spending time with God. It wasn't the usual routine of restricted time-conscious time with God, but instead it was a freeing, relaxing time. I don't even remember the last time I had that. I had made my daily time with God an obligatory task because I knew it is important, but it had lost life. This past year has been a period of learning how to choose God, no matter what I feel. If I'm tired or sick or just plain in a bad mood, I still have the choice to worship God, to honor Him, and to be a light. That was an amazing lesson I learned, and still am learning. But after a year of growing in faithfulness to God, despite myself, it was SO AMAZING to just be at peace in God's presence; to find rest without even seeking it. By just going to the papa, my soul settled in peace. With that, I know this season will be a time of stepping back, of stripping back. I don't know exactly how that looks yet, but I anticipate it being a season of rest with God. How intimate is that? Just being real, being vulnerable, being myself with Him. And I know that this past season brought me to this place because there's a whole new perspective on the world that I never had before; a perspective and truth resounding in my heart that God is absolutely everywhere. He is Lord of this world, thank you Jesus! I have no doubt in my mind of that; unlike ever before. That no matter what I do or believe, God is still God. That no matter what I do or leave undone, Jesus still died on the Cross for me. That I could yell and scream and believe in my heart that there is no God or that I refuse to be His child, but it doesn't change the fact that there is a true God and I am His child; no matter what. Man, talk about humbling. And through this perspective shift, I've been brought into rest.
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